You Might Be An Engineer If...

"Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers ?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets."

You Might Be An Engineer If...

* —You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
* You enjoy pain.
* You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
* You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force".
* You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
* It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
* You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver".
* You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
* You think in "math".
* You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
* You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
* You have a pet named after a scientist.
* You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
* The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
* You can translate English into Binary.
* You can't remember what's behind the door in the engineering building which says "Exit".
* You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
* You are completely addicted to caffeine.
* You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
* You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy".
* When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
* The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
* You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
* The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
* You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading.
* The salesperson at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
* You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.
* You're in line for the guillotine... it stops working properly... and you offer to fix it.
* You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.
* You have any "Dilbert" comics displayed in your work area.
* You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
* You have never backed up your hard drive.
* You haven't bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
* You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
* You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
* You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
* You've ever calculated how much you make per second.
* Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.
* You understood more than five of these jokes.
* You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page !)

"Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." — Scott Adams.

What one’s favorite color signifies

By Barrie Dolnick

Most of us have a favorite color. Maybe you’re drawn to sky blue because it makes your eyes stand out or you find forest green particularly comforting. Whatever the case, your preferred hue can reveal a lot about what makes you tick. And the same holds true for the people you date — you’d probably have a different impression of a date if he or she said, “My favorite color is yellow” versus “My favorite color is black.” That’s because color speaks a powerful, silent language. And I can help you understand it. I’m a success coach and best-selling author of Simple Spells for Love and other books, and I’ve studied color theory. So, look up your favorite color below — then, your date’s best-loved shade — and get some colorful insights that will benefit your romantic life.

Red
What it represents: Ah, the color of passion, anger and high blood pressure. Red is a primal color. It represents primal urges, like lust (“I must have you now!”) and fury (you know the phrase “seeing red,” right?). Yes, red is a commanding color: think of how stop signs get you to halt in your tracks and how you stand back when a red fire engine goes whizzing by.

Understanding people who love it: They act — sometimes without thinking — on immediate desires. In fact, they’re usually the poster children for immediate gratification. It’s up to you if you go for it... or proceed with caution.

Orange
What it represents: OK, orange is not exactly the easiest color to wear and it’s not the most common favorite color, but guess what? Orange is as sensual as it gets. Orange is a mellowed red — and it takes primal, lusty urges and mellows them with a softer vibe. Orange is the color of early attractions, emotional responses, and inner magnetism. Oh, and one other thing: orange is also close to gold, the color of success and wealth.

Understanding people who love it: Someone who likes orange is alive with feelings, the ability to nurture, and can intuit a path to success. If your favorite color is orange, you don’t have an “off” switch when it comes to passion. This is all good stuff, but there’s nothing casual about the connections this kind of person usually forges.

Yellow
What it represents: Yellow is the color of the sun, vitality, power and ego... but it’s not a great indicator of romance. Watch out for self-centered, “me first” energy when someone prefers yellow to the rest of the rainbow.

Understanding people who love it: If yellow is your favorite color, temper your use of the word “I” when you’re interested in someone else. You can come across as too ego-centric otherwise. Now, if you’re dating someone whose favorite hue is yellow, make sure to jump in and share stories about yourself, since this person may not give you much room.

Green
What it represents: Here is the heart of the matter: green is the color of love. (It’s no coincidence that we make our money in the same color...) Green is the color of life and abundance — leaves, grass, plants — it’s all about growing, expanding, and living. So why don’t we give ferns instead of roses on Valentine’s Day? Because green is about expansive, humanistic love and acceptance, not bodice-ripping romance. What’s more, green is a nice-person color, a “do-gooder, be-gooder” kind of color. This person has a warm heart. Passion is probably in there somewhere, buried under their integrity and honor.

Understanding people who love it: If you love green, you put the greater good before your own good — but try a little selfish behavior once in a while.

Blue
What it represents: Blue is a color of clarity, communications and charm. And regardless of the shade, this hue says: “I like to be understood.” On the downside, under stress, a “blue” person can send mixed messages, have trouble making up their mind, or just space out during conversations.

Understanding people who love it: If blue is your favorite color, you never run out of anything to say — expression is your strong suit. And if you’re dating a “blue” person? The same holds true; you should always know where you stand.

Purple
What it represents: Purple evokes the energy of illusion, imagination and fantasy. Or should we say purrrrple? Purple tends to inspire coyness, romance, flirtation and teasing — it builds anticipation with a dash of playfulness. The downside of purple is unrealistic expectations. Is it easier to live in your fantasy world than the real world? Some purple-lovers prefer it.

Understanding people who love it: If you love purple, you can be an imaginative romantic or prefer imaginary romance, depending on how you feel.

White
What it represents: White is light — the combination of all colors. White symbolizes purity (the traditional bridal dress, the christening gown) and spirituality. There’s a simplicity to it, too.

Understanding people who love it: People who love white are probably clean and orderly. While white isn’t the sexiest color, it is certainly healthy.

Black
What it represents: Like white, black is a combination of all colors, but instead of purity, it represents the unknown, the unseen — mystery. Black basically holds back information... but there’s no denying that it has strong associations in our culture with “the dark side” and evil.

Understanding people who love it: If your favorite color is black, you are more hush-hush than high-strung in nature. The silence of this color lets others fill in the blanks. Black says, “I’m not telling you anything.” People who love black can be tough nuts to crack, but quite possibly worth the effort.

Astro-coach Barrie Dolnick helps people find love and happiness by understanding their stars and their karmic energy. She is the author of twelve books, including Enlighten Up! and KarmaBabe.

Akademi Al-Qur’an Cinta Madinah

Terima kasih kerana meluangkan masa untuk membaca coretan ini. Ini semua adalah kisah benar. 


Saya pernah mengislamkan seorang kawan yang beragama Kristian. Atas kelemahan saya, kini saya tak tahu dimana dia. Saya gagal menjaga kebajikannya. Pernah dia berhasrat untuk berniaga, tapi saya tak mampu nak menolong lantaran ekonomi tak mengizinkan. Benarlah kata seorang ustaz tu, dia telah mengislamkan ramai orang. Katanya, nak suruh orang masuk Islam mudah, tapi nak ikram (jaga) mereka payah. Kerana itu ramai yang kembali ke agama asal mereka kerana orang Islam entah di mana.

Seorang kawan baru masuk Islam, orang Sabah. Hidup dia susah. Untuk menampung perbelanjaan, dia berhasrat untuk berniaga Car Wash. Lebihkurang modal RM10 ribu. Maka dia telah di bawa ke Baitul Mal dan Pusat Zakat. Tahu apa mereka kata? Kamu asal Sabah ye, jadi kena buat urusan di Sabah. Bingung dibuatnya dek birokrasi orang Islam.

Seorang India baru masuk Islam. Satu hari merempat di sebuah surau akibat kelaparan. Dia mintak makan tapi orang surau buat tak peduli kerana mereka sangka dia India mabuk. Puas dia kata dia baru masuk Islam, tapi orang surau buat tak peduli dan masing-masing pakat mintak bukti yang dia Islam. Akhirnya seorang hamba Allah bagi dia makan dan sedikit duit. Kalaupun dia menipu, rugi ke bagi orang makan???

Saya pernah berura-ura untuk mengajak seorang kawan India Kristian masuk Islam. Dia ingin sangat tapi takut. Sebab katanya bapaknya dah meninggal dan dia anak sulung. Kalau dia masuk Islam, pakcik-pakciknya akan pulaukan dia, maknya yang dah tua dan adik-beradiknya. Mereka pasti akan disusahkan dan tak mustahil mereka sekeluarga boleh diancam dibunuh. "Can you stand for us?". Soalannya tak dapat saya jawab.

Kerana itulah, pada musim Haji awal tahun 2005, saya telah berdoa dihadapan Kaabah. Modal saya hanyalah airmata. Mohon pada Allah supaya semua orang dapat hidayat untuk dapat kalimah dan mati dengan kalimah, sehinggalah bayi yang terakhir daripada Hari Kiamat. Dan saya mohon mintak Allah lorongkan satu jalan supaya saya dapat bantu golongan muallaf ini, terutamanya dari segi kewangan. Sepanjang haji saya doa, di Arafah, di Mina, di Madinah, di Mekah..Entah bagaimana, saya dapat ilham untuk tubuhkan Yayasan. Saya pun tak tahu bagaimana proses nak tubuhkan yayasan dan berapa banyak wang yang perlu dicampakkan. Lalu saya doa mintak Allah RM1 juta - tanpa syarat. Saya yakin khazanah Allah Maha Luas.

2 tahun telah berlalu. Awal tahun ni saya buka perniagaan. Isteri saya yang jaga kedai dan saya masih bekerja di sebuah kilang di Nilai 3. Nama yang Allah ilhamkan adalah "Cinta Madinah" (lihat gambar). Lalu baru-baru ni saya namakan "Yayasan Cinta Madinah" - membantu golongan muallaf. Masih belum ada dana. Projek pertama untuk salurkan dana pada yayasan adalah Projek Khemah Ibadat "SUPER CAMP - Pemantapan Solat & Al-Qur'an" pada 23 Dis ni. Projek akan datang "Didik Anak Cara Rasulullah saw" dan "Solat Khusyu' Cara Rasulullah saw". Doakan kejayaan projek ini.

Konsep yayasan ini sama dengan konsep Bank Untuk Orang Miskin di Bangladesh - memberi pinjaman perniagaan tanpa syarat (dalam kes ini hanya muallaf). Biasa tak dengar kenyataan ini? "If you give them a fish to eat, they can eat once. But if you teach them how to fish, insyaAllah they can eat forever". Sesiapa yang ada pengalaman dalam hal yayasan bolehlah bagi idea.

Jadi bagaimana anda boleh bantu saya untuk melaksanakan impian murni ini?

Forwardkan email ini pada semua kawan-kawan di dalam email networking anda. Setiap kali anda forwardkan email ini, jangan lupa untuk memasukkan semula address saya : rahimi@hexagonholdings.com . Saya sendiri akan menghubungi kawan-kawan anda.

Terimakasih di atas bantuan anda. Moga Allah membalasnya di syurga.


Hj Rahimi Shamsuddin
019-2766441

**********************

Buat pengetahuan anda, projek Dana Yayasan Cinta Madinah – Membantu Golongan Mua’llaf, telah dihentikan kerana kurang sambutan. Namun projek Super Camp – Pemantapan Solat dan Al-Qur’an telah pun dilaksanakan pada Disember 2007. Program Cuti Sekolah 2Hari 1Malam akan menyusul pada Disember 2010 – Super Teen Camp 2. Tunggukan brochurenya.
Harap anda dapat meluangkan masa 5 minit menatap brochure madrasah tahfiz Al-Qur’an – Akademi Al-Qur’an Cinta Madinah. Jika tidak keberatan, dapatlah kiranya sebar2kan di kalangan rakan2 di dalam networking anda. Semoga Allah membalas kemurahan hati anda dengan kekayaan di akhirat.

Yang dhaif,

Hj Rahimi Shamsuddin
QA Manager

Accident victim’s chances of recovery slim, could be paralysed for life

By SIMON KHOO

simonkhoo@thestar.com.my

KUANTAN: After coming out of a coma and spending 115 days in hospital due to a horrific accident, seven-year-old Ku Norfaizzatu Che Ku Mustaffa is now back at home.

But gone is the cheerful girl she used to be.

Lying helpless in bed, she has to be fed with milk every three hours via an opening in her stomach, bathed and has her diapers changed thrice daily.

But Ku Norfaizzatu is considered fortunate to survive the accident which killed her mother, injured her four siblings and a neighbour.

Her aunt Che Ku Nik Che Ku Muda, 40, said doctors informed them that Ku Norfaizzatu’s chances of recovery was very slim and she could be paralysed for life.

Daily care needed: Che Ku Nik tending to Ku Norfaizzatu at their house in Taman Semambu Satu, Kuantan, yesterday. Looking on is Engku Norfasihah.

Che Ku Nik said the family was advised to care for the girl at home since she had awakened from the coma.

“She can hear us calling her name, moves her fingers slightly and blinks. However, she can’t sit up, talk or eat on her own,” Che Ku Nik said at their home in Taman Semambu Satu near here yesterday.

Relating the ordeal, Che Ku Nik said her sister-in-law Ne @ Mimi Noraini Ab Rani was sending her children – Ku Norfaizzatu, Ku Muhammad Kalmanadha, eight, Ku Kamriadha, 11, Engku Fahmiadha, 14, Engku Norfasihah, 15 – and neighbour Alija Ahmad, 15, to school on July 15.

An oncoming car tried to overtake another vehicle but rammed head on into their vehicle.

“My sister-in-law died at 4pm the same day at the hospital while Ku Norfaizzatu, who was seated in the front passenger seat, suffered serious head injuries.

“She was in a coma,” she said, adding that the other children, all seated behind, escaped with minor injuries.

She and her brother Che Ku Mustaffa, 47, are extremely upset that the driver of the other vehicle – a teacher – who was also warded for injuries, has yet to visit them to apologise and offer her condolences.

“We hope she will get the rightful punishment for driving dangerously.

“For now, we can only hope for Ku Norfaizzatu to recover and pray for a miracle,” she added.

She said the family was also facing financial difficulties in taking care of Ku Norfaizzatu as the milk powder she fed on was costly.

“We also need to buy diapers and tubes to feed her,” she said, adding that the family had already spent most of their savings to buy a special bed, pay for the operations on her stomach and a device to help her breathe.

The family was grateful to the girl’s school – SJK (C) Semambu – for initiating a collection and channelling some cash to them for the past four months.

Those who wish to help the family can contact the representative of the lawyer’s firm who took up the case – Teo Theam Huat – at 016-9888 668.

They can also visit the family at No 24, Lorong Semambu Baru 91, Taman Semambu Satu, Kuantan.

This old dorm room: What it says about you

By Kendra Hurley

Two weeks after I turned 18, I arrived at my arty New England college eager to reinvent myself. I had just left Houston, Texas, which I'd never much liked, and my family, whom I'd never much gotten along with. Moving into my dorm room, I was certain my life was officially beginning.

I purposefully left behind many staples of my teenage years — the tennis racket that saw me through four years of high school tournaments; the electric typewriter I used for college applications; the pink-rimmed curling iron that singed my hair daily. Instead, I packed a bunch of oddities, most of them completely useless: the guitar painted Day-Glo green, a going-away gift from a friend; the clunky, manual typewriter I bought after Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance convinced me that manual typewriters had more character than electric ones; the stiff and itchy blue Moroccan rug I intended to use as a bedspread.

Never mind that I didn't play guitar, that the second-hand typewriter lacked several keys, or that the nubby rug lasted all of two sleepless hours before I tossed it on the floor, where it belonged, in lieu of something, well, softer. Carrying those objects across the continent seemed important, even critical, but not because they were practical or familiar. I imagined them to be magical beans that, once planted in my dorm, might help me climb toward a whole new world of possibilities. Maybe I would be a rock star! Compose masterpieces on a romantic, fire-engine-red Royal typewriter! Travel to Morocco!

My dorm mates and I decorated our cinder-block-walled, shoebox-size, transient homes to mirror our lumbering hopes. No detail was too small to obsess over. Newcomers took leaps of faith and painted their walls lime green or rocket orange, knowing full well they'd have to repaint at the end of the school year. Those who shared rooms, like my roommate and me, pried apart our bunk beds so we could each claim half the room as our personalized terrain.

Students with singles held heated debates over whether to leave the narrow mattress on the box spring. The practical-minded argued that it made sense to use the bed frame, which not only offered storage space underneath but also kept dust where it belonged. Then they cringed, exclaiming they sounded like moms, and a group of us would rescue them, hoisting the bed frame into the closet and leaving the mattress unbridled, bohemian-style, on the dusty floor. Jen, a sophisticated sophomore, took it to the next level. She showed up with a wide, floppy futon because, she winked, it slept more than one.

Josh, one hall over, left his mattress framed, but made up for it by lacing his ceiling with red chili pepper lights. At his high school, an elite Eastern boarding school, Josh, a Westerner, had felt alienated. He arrived at college determined to indulge in serious, soul-searching bonding. The chilli peppers were part of the plan. Late at night, after the required dorm "tolerance meetings" where we freshmen practiced putting condoms on bananas, or role-played coming out as gay, we crept somberly to Josh's room to share his air-popped popcorn and Red Zinger tea.

Those sizzling chili peppers provided the perfect backdrop for mulling over the Big Questions: Could I actually be gay? Am I secretly a racist? Must I wear my leg hair long, in feminist vogue?

Many of us had picked our liberal college because we wanted to challenge and be challenged. But we also wanted to feel safe. While the campus rules outside our dorms were murky and in continual flux, inside our dorm rooms we found our footing. They were the only space where we alone set the rules, and so we made them incubators for our dreams. To have someone visit your room and slurp your crock-pot brewed tea from mugs pocketed at the dining hall was the greatest compliment. Visitors weren't just accepting who you were, but all you hoped to become.

If Josh's room had a philosophical, coffee-shop feel, Sarah's was the panacea for pre-party jitters. A no-nonsense Long Islander, she transformed her assigned shoebox into the peppiest, most conservative room on our floor. With primary-colored throw rugs, overstuffed pillows, a shiny stereo, and a never-rumpled bed, it seemed straight from an IKEA catalog. We, her hall mates, derived comfort from its bright blandness. Weekend nights, three hours before party time, we gathered there wearing lipstick and miniskirts.

Bopping along to house music, we sipped screwdrivers from plastic cocktail cups, boosting our courage to venture into a less tidy nightlife.

The morning after, after all the ridiculous things we'd said or done, or kissed, we'd skulk moodily to Kathleen's room, a masterpiece of sheer will. In her former life, Kathleen, then bookish and shy, had quietly cultivated a love for jazz and a secret wish to become, like the jazz patron Baroness Pannonica de Koenigswarter, a nurturer of musicians. At college, Kathleen transformed her new home into a mini-version of the Baroness' Fifth Avenue apartment where Charlie Parker had died. To create a mellow, groovy ambience, she placed in the overhead light a bulb colored "dawn pink," a color rumoured to have a calming effect on prison inmates. She tucked her clock and textbooks out of sight, in a closet hidden by a beige tapestry. A bright shroud disguised her desk, which held not notebooks, but a refrigerator, a wok, a coffee maker, a set of handmade pottery mugs and a perennially burning candle.

Outside our dorm Kathleen seemed nervous and unsure. But in her room, sitting Indian-style atop her 50-year-old green, leather armchair, she'd attend to her guest's needs calm as a Buddha. And eventually, the confidence she cultivated in that room spilt into the larger world. When Kathleen started hanging with a musician, her room became his band's favorite spot to chill.

They lounged on her bright, flannel-sheeted futon for hours on end, sniffing her incense, slurping organic coffee, and tapping their cigarettes in time to Kathleen's extensive jazz collection.

Whenever I felt anxious and overextended — as was often the case — I dipped into Kathleen's room. Within minutes, my concerns began to melt. If I stayed too long, I'd find myself talking in dragged-out monosyllables like a true jazz junkie myself.

"Man," I'd say. "Rad. Sweet."

Kathleen's dreams were not my own, but once the sun had slipped into darkness and the first notes of house music emanated from Sarah's walls, the glow-in-the dark sticker stars Kathleen had placed on her ceiling began glistening, and I could see her point of view.

After college, Kathleen became an artist who nurtures bees on the roof of her Manhattan apartment building, not far from where the Baroness Pannonica lived; Sarah, now a headhunter, continues providing sanctuary from self-doubt by keeping job applicants hopeful between interviews; Josh has become an experimental educator, an advocate of the type of Socratic learning he first hosted in his college dorm room; and though I’ve had my share of mundane nine-to-five jobs, I have also continued to pursue my early dorm room dreams. I write. I travel. I kick myself daily for not being a rock star.

Our whimsical dorm decorations marked our first tentative attempts to discovering who we might be. And though they were often ridiculous efforts, they did reflect something real in each of us. Looking back, those silly sticker stars on Kathleen’s ceiling loomed like tacky, lovely guiding lights, and we’ve been following them ever since.

Freelance writer Kenda Hurley lives in a one-room apartment that looks surprisingly similar to a college dorm room. She is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn, New York, and co-editor of “Foster Care Youth United,” a national magazine written by and for teenagers living in foster care. She also wrote “No rules romance: the problem with hanging out” for UnderWire.

Reminder: High Priority

1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. 

2. You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying  over the future. 

3. Love ......and you shall be loved. 

4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. 

5. All people smile in the same language. 

6. A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.  It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange. 

7. Everyone needs to be loved...especially when they do not deserve it. 

8. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. 

9. Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it. 

10. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. 

11. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of  tomorrow,  you have no today to be thankful for. 

12. Happy memories never wear out....relive them as often as you want. 

13. Home is the place where we grumble the most, but are often treated the  best. 

14. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within. 

15. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. 

16. Take time to laugh for it is the music of the soul. 

17. If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it. 

18. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like  stripping your gears. 

19. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together. 

20. The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each  other. 

21. Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. 

22. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. 

23. We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. 

24. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished. 

25. Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. 

26. You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven. 

27. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds  of happiness that you can never get back.   

28. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you  are. 

29. The best gifts to give : 

To your friend - loyalty 

To your enemy - forgiveness; 

To your boss - service; 

To a child - a good example; 

To your parents - gratitude and devotion; 

To your mate - love and faithfulness.

Family

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh, excuse me Please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;

Wasn't even watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My daughter stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

She walked away, her little heart was broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,

But the children you love, you seem to abuse.

Look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers she brought for you.

She picked them herself: pink, yellow and blue.

She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,

and you never saw the tears in her eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,

and now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by her bed;

"Wake up, little girl, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

 She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.

" I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today;

I shoudn't have yelled at you that way."

 She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway."

 I said, "Daughter, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.

-------------------------

Are you aware that: If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family - an unwise investment indeed. So what is behind the story? You know what is the full word of family?

FAMILY=(F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER, (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU!

Fill life with love and bravery and we shall live a life uncommon.

A Dead Mule

The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule. His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him.

Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden." The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim said a bargain was a bargain, loaded the mule on his truck and left.

A couple of months later the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a *NEW* $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when not to long ago all he had was the $125 that he'd spent on the mule that died.

"Well", Jim explains, "After leaving with the mule, I had this idea. So I stopped off at the local print shop and had 2,000 $2 raffle tickets printed up. Grand prize: Gardening Equipment. I sold all the raffle tickets to people around town."

"Yeah, but where did you get the gardening equipment?"

"From you."

"No, I mean the equipment you had as the raffle prize."

"I got it from you."

"Jim, all you got from me was a dead mule."

"I know, that's what I raffled off."

"My Goodness, Jim! You raffled off a dead mule?! I'll bet that really made a lot of people mad when they found out about it."

"Naw, not really, the only one really ticked off was the winner, and I gave him his money back."

Doctor's Jokes

You can't make this stuff up! Sometimes the truth is more amusing than fiction:

A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there are several cabs,  and I was in the wrong one.

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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

"Big breaths," I instructed.

"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

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I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"

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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

"Which one?", asked the doctor."

“The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see.... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. 

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" 

After a look of complete confusion she answered, “Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

STAGES OF LIFE: male vs. female

MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE: DRINK

17 - Beer

25 - Bourbon

35 - Vodka

48 - Double vodka

66 - Maalox

AGE: SEDUCTION LINE

17 - My parents are away for the weekend

25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend

35 - My fiance is away for the weekend.

48 - My wife is away for the weekend

66 - My second wife is dead.

AGE: FAVORITE SPORT

17 - Sex

25 - Sex

35 - Sex

48 - Sex

66 - Napping

AGE: DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 - Tongue

25 - Breakfast

35 - She didn't set back my therapy.

48 - I didn't have to meet her kids.

66 - Got home alive

AGE: FAVORITE FANTASY

17 - Getting to third

25 - Airplane sex

35 - Menage a trois

48 - Taking the company public

66 - Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE: WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 : 25

25 : 35

35 : 48

48 : 66

66 : 17

AGE: IDEAL DATE

17 - Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

25 - Split the check before we go back to my place

35 - Just come over.

48 - Just come over and cook.

66 - Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

and..................

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE: DRINK

17 - Wine Coolers

25 - White wine

35 - Red wine

48 - Dom Perignon

66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE: EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 - Need to wash my hair

25 - Need to wash and condition my hair

35 - Need to color my hair

48 - Need to have Francois color my hair

66 - Need to have Francois color my wig

AGE: FAVORITE SPORT

17 - Shopping

25 - Shopping

35 - Shopping

48 - Shopping

66 - Shopping

AGE: DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 - Burger King

25 - Free meal

35 - A diamond

48 - A bigger diamond

66 - Home Alone

AGE: FAVORITE FANTASY

17 - Tall, dark and handsome

25 - Tall, dark and handsome with money

35 - Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain

48 - A man with hair

66 - A man

AGE: WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 : 17

25 : 25

35 : 35

48 : 48

66 : 66

AGE: IDEAL DATE

17 - He offers to pay

25 - He pays

35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning

48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids

66 - He can chew breakfast