WHAT MEN AND WOMEN SAY AND MEAN

PART I
======
The Men's Guide to what the Woman really mean

You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
 I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarrassed
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I a little fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Yes = No
 No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books,and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

PART II
======
The Woman's Guide to What the Man is Really Saying.

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = Same as Above
"Can I call you sometime?" = Same as Above
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can get down to business.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

Spongebob Logic

The success indicator

10 things you didn't know about vagina

GOP mass shooting response translator

How to be happy

The colour of snot

The human brain by Mercedes-Benz

Cara halau binatang perosak

Did you know?

Short jokes

What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a murtabak that went
abroad for higher education

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What's the best example of "once in a
lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
A little boy was in a bus
eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...

A man next to him said,
"Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"

The boy replied,
"My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked ,
"Was it because of eating chocolate?"

The boy replied,
No, he was always minding his own business!

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Son: Dad there's a small get together at school tomorrow !!!
Father: small get together.? ..how small
Son: only me...you...and principal ...