God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:
ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.
TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE- I finally got my head together; and now my body is falling apart.
FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
NINETEEN- UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I'VE ALREADY MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
100 population
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and
All 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
The following is also something to ponder...
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of
imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof
overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Someone once said:
What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
.
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and
All 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
The following is also something to ponder...
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of
imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof
overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Someone once said:
What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
.
Monday, February 20, 2012
30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
by: Marc | http://www.marcandangel.com
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled
.
Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness
.
Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done
.
Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
....
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
"I cannot sit here next to this black man."
A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded flight and
immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to a black man.
Disgusted, the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and
demanded a new seat.
The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this
black man."
The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another
seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma'am,
there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain
and see if there is something in first class."
About 10 minutes went by
and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed
that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first
class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to
first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a
person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make
the switch to first class." Before the woman could say anything, the
attendant gestured to the black man and said, "Therefore sir, if you
would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you
to the comfort of first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit
next to an unpleasant person."
Passengers in the seats nearby began to
applause while some gave a standing ovation.
by: Maggie Witkowski
Friday, February 10, 2012
2011 Darwin Awards Nominees
Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.
NOMINEE 1: Planking Spanking
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
15 May 2011, Brisbane, Australia | PLANKING? What is it? 'Planking' is the peculiar wit of lying flat as a plank in unusual locations--train tracks, fire hydrants, clotheslines--and posting public photographs, spreading joy. This Australian craze had infected poor Mr. Acton B., a (former) planking enthusiast who was not aware that Balconies Are The #1 One Cause of Gravity-Fed Darwin Awards. Not knowing, he was doomed to repeat the lesson. Camera ready, the 20-year-old stretched himself out face-down on the railing, arms by his sides, stiff as a plank, balanced. Don't do it, don't cross that line young male Homo sapiens sapiens! Oh no...the species is doomed. Down he fell. Descent of man.
PLANKING happened on 15 May 2011, Brisbane AU. Although we do not have a photograph of the actual event, we encourage reporters to re-enact the scene for your own cameras. No, really, go ahead.
Planking is nothing without a photograph. The men down under have risen to the top of the zany photos crop, planking naked, planking on police cruisers, planking here, there, and across the desks on TV Network News. Planking has well and truly jumped the shark.
READER COMMENTS:
"Natural selection nudged him over the line, and he fell..."
"Planking is bound to remove people from the gene pool."
Please be careful where you plank! :)
Watch out for balconies :-)
"You will enjoy this. They are truly dark and hilarious. Your dad didn't quite get the wharped sense of humor that one needs to enjoy this. Maybe he was tired...Love, Gma Carolina"
"O site dos burros pra carai!"
"Blessedly he was not naked."
"As promised funny (but dark). From the vault of the always amusing Darwin Awards."
NOMINEE 2: Motorcycle Helmet Law, ex-Protestor
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(July 2011, New York) Protesting motorcycle helmet laws, an Onondaga, NY man was participating in a bare-noggin protest ride when he was killed via flipping over the handlebars. The motorcycle accident injured the noggin of Mr. Contos, 55, fatally damaging a brain that was unable to determine the physics of the situation. Moreover, he'd do it again if he could, according to his elder brother. "He would have wanted it that way."
Certain laws have physics on their side, obviously, and the laws say one's body cannot walk away from a high-speed physical impact. Laws not subject to repeal. Unprotected--you squash like a bug. Protected--you eat squash for dinner.
Since properly padded and protected men can walk away from a 90-mph crash, protection is prudent when you increase {mass x speed} above a critical threshhold.
Prudent, but sould protection be mandatory? Robert Frost says, "I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way."
Police said Phil "hit his brakes, fishtailed and went out of control, flipping him over the handlebars." What we, the Darwin Awards committee, would like to know--and news reports don't explain--is just how he went over the handlebars?
NOMINEE 3: Hotter Copper Whopper
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 July 2011, Leeds, UK.) Thief! How, many, thieves, have, to die, to prove that you shouldn't steal copper wire? Besides the risk, it's not right to cause thousands of dollars worth of damage, for hundreds of dollars in profit. HEY YOU IMMORAL IDIOTS, It makes bad environmental sense to destroy more than you recoup. Angry lecture!
Knowing that species evolve, why are we so dumb? Like Darwin's Finches, humans are filling the 'new islands' (evolutionary niches) created by our civilization, and our mutations are being tuned by each self-limiting step we take.
Which brings me to a Leeds teenager, who at 16 became a deceased Darwin Award winner by making one such self-limiting step. Copper theft is a killer, and also a nuisance. CE Electric UK has dealt with 279 incidents in the last year in West Yorkshire. They plead, "We are pleading with thieves to think about the consequences and how much they are risking for such a small return. DANGER OF DEATH signs are posted for a reason!"
Stealing copper? Fast track train to Charles Darwin's heavenly estate. "Welcome home, Leeds teen. You were old enough to know better!" Sometimes a friend has to cram life into too few years, but we comfort ourselves knowing that his destiny was to serve as a warning to others.
Copper Kills! CE Electric UK recently began marking the copper using 'SmartWater' technology to deter malicious, costly vandalism. American Electric Power is converting from copper grounding wire to copper-clad steel wire that has little scrap value and is tougher to cut.
NOMINEE 4: Wedding Jitters
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
(India) In 2004 a pre-wedding henna party was underway when a prowler with the appearance of an undead ghoul broke into the home of Indira Vegas, 23, a well-known red-headed stripper in downtown Delhi. While most of the party reacted with confusion as the prowler lurched forward, in a foetid cloud that reportedly reeked of "tear gas," Vegas approached the zombie and whacked its temple with her 5" stiletto heel. According to an eyewitness report, this dispatched the prowler, successfully halting a Class I invasion. What makes this story worthy of Darwin's notice however, is the subsequent actions of Vegas. She put the stiletto-heel shoe back on and went on to accidentally infect her sister-in-law, with what one neighbor described as a 'mis-step.' The name and whereabouts of the sister-in-law have not been released to the press. The woman, infected with a strange painful lassitude, passed into a "deep sleep" and was placed in a bedroom.
The photographer, Timothy Caes, 16, stated that the party was discussing who should report the deceased prowler to police, when a second ghoul emerged from the bedroom and began to savagely bite Vegas. Mr. Caes, the primary source of this report, is a local student who was not known to the group. He states that subsequent to this savage attack, Vegas inexlicably turned and began to menace him. Mr. Caees was able to subdue the reanimated zombies by bashing them several times with a tripod, knocking them to the floor and halting their wails.
That was enough. The sudden silence provoked a stampede of human chaos from the room, and what was effectively a herd of vertical bayonettes put an end to what was ultimately recorded as a "schizophrenic episode" on the part of the deceased.
Indra Vegas, who began her 15 minutes of fame by saving her friends, ended her life with yet another boneheaded move involving high heels. Women, high heels? Between you and me, put those things in your trash. High Heels = Natural Selection in Action.
Other High Heels Tragedies: Best wishes from Wendy Darwin.
.
NOMINEE 1: Planking Spanking
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
15 May 2011, Brisbane, Australia | PLANKING? What is it? 'Planking' is the peculiar wit of lying flat as a plank in unusual locations--train tracks, fire hydrants, clotheslines--and posting public photographs, spreading joy. This Australian craze had infected poor Mr. Acton B., a (former) planking enthusiast who was not aware that Balconies Are The #1 One Cause of Gravity-Fed Darwin Awards. Not knowing, he was doomed to repeat the lesson. Camera ready, the 20-year-old stretched himself out face-down on the railing, arms by his sides, stiff as a plank, balanced. Don't do it, don't cross that line young male Homo sapiens sapiens! Oh no...the species is doomed. Down he fell. Descent of man.
PLANKING happened on 15 May 2011, Brisbane AU. Although we do not have a photograph of the actual event, we encourage reporters to re-enact the scene for your own cameras. No, really, go ahead.
Planking is nothing without a photograph. The men down under have risen to the top of the zany photos crop, planking naked, planking on police cruisers, planking here, there, and across the desks on TV Network News. Planking has well and truly jumped the shark.
READER COMMENTS:
"Natural selection nudged him over the line, and he fell..."
"Planking is bound to remove people from the gene pool."
Please be careful where you plank! :)
Watch out for balconies :-)
"You will enjoy this. They are truly dark and hilarious. Your dad didn't quite get the wharped sense of humor that one needs to enjoy this. Maybe he was tired...Love, Gma Carolina"
"O site dos burros pra carai!"
"Blessedly he was not naked."
"As promised funny (but dark). From the vault of the always amusing Darwin Awards."
NOMINEE 2: Motorcycle Helmet Law, ex-Protestor
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(July 2011, New York) Protesting motorcycle helmet laws, an Onondaga, NY man was participating in a bare-noggin protest ride when he was killed via flipping over the handlebars. The motorcycle accident injured the noggin of Mr. Contos, 55, fatally damaging a brain that was unable to determine the physics of the situation. Moreover, he'd do it again if he could, according to his elder brother. "He would have wanted it that way."
Certain laws have physics on their side, obviously, and the laws say one's body cannot walk away from a high-speed physical impact. Laws not subject to repeal. Unprotected--you squash like a bug. Protected--you eat squash for dinner.
Since properly padded and protected men can walk away from a 90-mph crash, protection is prudent when you increase {mass x speed} above a critical threshhold.
Prudent, but sould protection be mandatory? Robert Frost says, "I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way."
Police said Phil "hit his brakes, fishtailed and went out of control, flipping him over the handlebars." What we, the Darwin Awards committee, would like to know--and news reports don't explain--is just how he went over the handlebars?
NOMINEE 3: Hotter Copper Whopper
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 July 2011, Leeds, UK.) Thief! How, many, thieves, have, to die, to prove that you shouldn't steal copper wire? Besides the risk, it's not right to cause thousands of dollars worth of damage, for hundreds of dollars in profit. HEY YOU IMMORAL IDIOTS, It makes bad environmental sense to destroy more than you recoup. Angry lecture!
Knowing that species evolve, why are we so dumb? Like Darwin's Finches, humans are filling the 'new islands' (evolutionary niches) created by our civilization, and our mutations are being tuned by each self-limiting step we take.
Which brings me to a Leeds teenager, who at 16 became a deceased Darwin Award winner by making one such self-limiting step. Copper theft is a killer, and also a nuisance. CE Electric UK has dealt with 279 incidents in the last year in West Yorkshire. They plead, "We are pleading with thieves to think about the consequences and how much they are risking for such a small return. DANGER OF DEATH signs are posted for a reason!"
Stealing copper? Fast track train to Charles Darwin's heavenly estate. "Welcome home, Leeds teen. You were old enough to know better!" Sometimes a friend has to cram life into too few years, but we comfort ourselves knowing that his destiny was to serve as a warning to others.
Copper Kills! CE Electric UK recently began marking the copper using 'SmartWater' technology to deter malicious, costly vandalism. American Electric Power is converting from copper grounding wire to copper-clad steel wire that has little scrap value and is tougher to cut.
NOMINEE 4: Wedding Jitters
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
(India) In 2004 a pre-wedding henna party was underway when a prowler with the appearance of an undead ghoul broke into the home of Indira Vegas, 23, a well-known red-headed stripper in downtown Delhi. While most of the party reacted with confusion as the prowler lurched forward, in a foetid cloud that reportedly reeked of "tear gas," Vegas approached the zombie and whacked its temple with her 5" stiletto heel. According to an eyewitness report, this dispatched the prowler, successfully halting a Class I invasion. What makes this story worthy of Darwin's notice however, is the subsequent actions of Vegas. She put the stiletto-heel shoe back on and went on to accidentally infect her sister-in-law, with what one neighbor described as a 'mis-step.' The name and whereabouts of the sister-in-law have not been released to the press. The woman, infected with a strange painful lassitude, passed into a "deep sleep" and was placed in a bedroom.
The photographer, Timothy Caes, 16, stated that the party was discussing who should report the deceased prowler to police, when a second ghoul emerged from the bedroom and began to savagely bite Vegas. Mr. Caes, the primary source of this report, is a local student who was not known to the group. He states that subsequent to this savage attack, Vegas inexlicably turned and began to menace him. Mr. Caees was able to subdue the reanimated zombies by bashing them several times with a tripod, knocking them to the floor and halting their wails.
That was enough. The sudden silence provoked a stampede of human chaos from the room, and what was effectively a herd of vertical bayonettes put an end to what was ultimately recorded as a "schizophrenic episode" on the part of the deceased.
Indra Vegas, who began her 15 minutes of fame by saving her friends, ended her life with yet another boneheaded move involving high heels. Women, high heels? Between you and me, put those things in your trash. High Heels = Natural Selection in Action.
Other High Heels Tragedies: Best wishes from Wendy Darwin.
.
Darwin Awards 1999 Nominees
Hard to believe, but another year has passed...For those who don't Know it, the Darwin Awards are awarded every year to the person(s) who died (or almost died) in the stupidest way...
The 1999 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously has conducted demonstration of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers,
managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the
best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomburg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made news of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
NOMINEE NO. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]. A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 pm. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird Feeder on the balcony of his
condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
NOMINEE No.9: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia!)
The 1999 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously has conducted demonstration of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers,
managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the
best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomburg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made news of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
NOMINEE NO. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]. A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 pm. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird Feeder on the balcony of his
condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
NOMINEE No.9: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia!)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Darul Hafidzin
Assalamu'alaikum,
Alhamdulillah, pembangunan Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin (MTDH) hampir sempurna.... hampir 90% siap. InsyaAllah tak ada aral, awal tahun depan dah boleh bawa masuk anak-anak hafiz & hafizah.
Bagaimanapun MTDH masih perlukan dana untuk sempurnakan pembangunan. Anggaran kos keseluruhan ialah RM710,000. Setakat ini MTDH sudah melangsaikan bayaran sebanyak RM630,000 kepada tuan kontraktor. Jutaan terima kasih kepada semua penyumbang & pewakaf, hanya Allah shj yang akan membalas jasa baik tuan/puan.
MTDH masih memerlukan RM80,000 untuk menyempurnakan pembangunan. Tuan/puan dipelawa untuk menghulurkan infaq / wakaf / zakat / sumbangan kepada MTDH melalui:-
Akaun Bank Islam atas nama: Pusat Tahfiz Al-Quran Darul Hafidzin
No akaun: 1209 2010 03 2010
Akaun Bank Muamalat atas nama: Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin
No akaun: 1207 0005 8377 14
Pertanyaan lanjut, sila hubungi Ustaz Ashaari Mohd Saleh Al-Hafiz (019-6952099) / Yusoff Talib (013-3684294).
Jazakallah.....
http://darulhafidzin.blogspot.com/p/gambar-terbaru.html
Subject: MTDH: Skim Pelaburan Yg Dijamin Menguntungkan
Assalamu'alaikum,
Anda masih tercari-cari skim pelaburan yang strategik dan menguntungkan? Mari melabur dalam skim wakaf Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin (MTDH). Skim pelaburan yang pastinya tidak akan memberatkan anda dengan istilah "kejatuhan yang merudum", "ditutup bercampur-campur" dan yang seumpama dengannya. Malah keuntungannya dijamin akan mencecah sehingga 700 kali ganda, sebagaimana janji Allah dalam Al-Baqarah ayat 261:
"Perumpamaan (derma) orang yang membelanjakan hartanya pada jalan Allah, ialah sama seperti sebiji benih yang tumbuh menerbitkan tujuh tangkai, tiap-tiap tangkai itu pula mengandungi seratus biji. Dan (ingatlah) Allah akan melipat gandakan pahala bagi sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya, dan Allah Maha Luas (rahmat) kurniaNya lagi Maha Mengetahui".
Jangan lepaskan peluang pelaburan strategik ini, Insyaallah ianya akan menjadi bekal yang sangat ampuh untuk kita pada hari kemudian (yaumul mahsyar) nanti. Pelaburan boleh diniatkan dalam bentuk zakat, infaq sedekah atau wakaf. Pelaburan boleh disalurkan terus ke akaun Bank Islam atas nama "Pusat Tahfiz Al-Quran Darul Hafidzin", no akaun - 1209 2010 0320 10.
MTDH masih memerlukan dana bagi menyiapkan asrama dan kelas mengaji. Bagi mengikuti perkembangan terkini MTDH sila lawati, http://tahfizdarulhafidzin.blogspot.com/
Jazakallah.......
Alhamdulillah, pembangunan Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin (MTDH) hampir sempurna.... hampir 90% siap. InsyaAllah tak ada aral, awal tahun depan dah boleh bawa masuk anak-anak hafiz & hafizah.
Bagaimanapun MTDH masih perlukan dana untuk sempurnakan pembangunan. Anggaran kos keseluruhan ialah RM710,000. Setakat ini MTDH sudah melangsaikan bayaran sebanyak RM630,000 kepada tuan kontraktor. Jutaan terima kasih kepada semua penyumbang & pewakaf, hanya Allah shj yang akan membalas jasa baik tuan/puan.
MTDH masih memerlukan RM80,000 untuk menyempurnakan pembangunan. Tuan/puan dipelawa untuk menghulurkan infaq / wakaf / zakat / sumbangan kepada MTDH melalui:-
Akaun Bank Islam atas nama: Pusat Tahfiz Al-Quran Darul Hafidzin
No akaun: 1209 2010 03 2010
Akaun Bank Muamalat atas nama: Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin
No akaun: 1207 0005 8377 14
Pertanyaan lanjut, sila hubungi Ustaz Ashaari Mohd Saleh Al-Hafiz (019-6952099) / Yusoff Talib (013-3684294).
Jazakallah.....
http://darulhafidzin.blogspot.com/p/gambar-terbaru.html
Subject: MTDH: Skim Pelaburan Yg Dijamin Menguntungkan
Assalamu'alaikum,
Anda masih tercari-cari skim pelaburan yang strategik dan menguntungkan? Mari melabur dalam skim wakaf Maahad Tahfiz Darul Hafidzin (MTDH). Skim pelaburan yang pastinya tidak akan memberatkan anda dengan istilah "kejatuhan yang merudum", "ditutup bercampur-campur" dan yang seumpama dengannya. Malah keuntungannya dijamin akan mencecah sehingga 700 kali ganda, sebagaimana janji Allah dalam Al-Baqarah ayat 261:
"Perumpamaan (derma) orang yang membelanjakan hartanya pada jalan Allah, ialah sama seperti sebiji benih yang tumbuh menerbitkan tujuh tangkai, tiap-tiap tangkai itu pula mengandungi seratus biji. Dan (ingatlah) Allah akan melipat gandakan pahala bagi sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya, dan Allah Maha Luas (rahmat) kurniaNya lagi Maha Mengetahui".
Jangan lepaskan peluang pelaburan strategik ini, Insyaallah ianya akan menjadi bekal yang sangat ampuh untuk kita pada hari kemudian (yaumul mahsyar) nanti. Pelaburan boleh diniatkan dalam bentuk zakat, infaq sedekah atau wakaf. Pelaburan boleh disalurkan terus ke akaun Bank Islam atas nama "Pusat Tahfiz Al-Quran Darul Hafidzin", no akaun - 1209 2010 0320 10.
MTDH masih memerlukan dana bagi menyiapkan asrama dan kelas mengaji. Bagi mengikuti perkembangan terkini MTDH sila lawati, http://tahfizdarulhafidzin.blogspot.com/
Jazakallah.......
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tawakkul Karman and hijab
When Nobel laureate Tawakkul Karman was asked about her Hijab by Journalists and how it is not proportionate with her level of intellect and education, she replied:
“Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times”
.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Law of the commoners :
".....to move is the chicken, to stay is the road.......therefore the chicken cross the road "
What if
".....to move is the road, to stay is the chicken.......therefore sharp corners in our trunk road".
(ie: Avoiding chicken farms therefore we built our roads with sharp corners.)
Hence, opportunity for Bituminas Premium-R A Classic.
Finally, the answers we have all been waiting for...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers from the Economists:-
A CLASSICAL ECONOMIST : an invisible hand moved the chicken
A NEO-CLASSICAL ECONOMIST :because the marginal utility of the chicken to cross the road exceeds the marginal cost
A FREE-MARKET ECONOMIST : because there's an excess supply of chicken on this side, and an excess demand of chicken on the other side of the road
A CHICAGO SCHOOL ECONOMIST : because the market told it so
A KEYNESIAN ECONOMIST : because of a monetary expansion, the currency depreciates, the relative price of domestic chicken got lower, so there'll be an export expansion of chicken to another side of the road Answers from other prominent figures,
Answer from everyone else:
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE : To cross or not to cross, that is the question
KEANU REEVES (in 'The Matrix') : The chicken did not actually cross the road. Only your mind told you so
DARTH VADER : It was the chicken's destiny to cross the road
LUKE SKYWALKER : May the force be with the chicken!
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
DANA SCULLY: Its not possible! Chicken don't cross the road on their own, they are not capable of doing so.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and bestchickens along with Anderson Consulting with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
JACK (Titanic) : They cross, I cross.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her, caress her,
love her, stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring food.
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her, caress her,
love her, stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring food.
SIMPLE VS REAL.........!!
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you ve had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
Pass this on to anyone you care about....if you get it back you have found your true friends!
A Ball is a circle, No beginning, no end. It keeps us together,like our Circle of Friends, but the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship. You ve granted to me.
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